A Letter to Myself | 500 Days Sober – LTMD Episode 17b
Today marks 500 days sober.
There was a time in my life where I honestly didn’t know if I would survive what I was putting myself through — addiction, chaos, fear, anger, broken boundaries, and the collapse of the life I thought I knew.
For my 500th sober day, I decided to write a letter to the version of myself who thought everything was over.
This isn’t a motivational speech.
This is the truth.
The truth about alcoholism.
The truth about cocaine.
The truth about losing control.
The truth about faith, rebuilding, service, discipline, and learning how to become somebody stronger after devastation.
Louder Than My Demons was never built to pretend life is perfect.
It was built to prove survival is possible.
If you’re struggling right now:
keep going.
You might be closer to rebuilding your life than you realize.
—
⚔️ Louder Than My Demons
The Five S’s of Survival:
Sobriety • Spirituality • Self-Care • Strength • Songwriting • Service
🎙 Follow LTMD:
louderthanmydemons.com
@ltmdpodcast (everywhere)
#Sobriety #Recovery #AddictionRecovery #LouderThanMyDemons #MentalHealth #Faith #SelfImprovement #Podcast #SobrietyJourney #recoveryispossible
00:00 — Dear Jozey…
01:58 — How Everything Fell Apart
04:32 — Rehab, Therapy & Rebuilding
07:20 — Let Go and Let God
10:02 — The Five S’s
12:20 — Service & Helping Others
14:18 — Family, Friends & Support
16:45 — Love, Hope & The Future
18:30 — We Made It
A Letter to Myself | 500 Days Sober
A Letter to Myself — 500 Days Sober Today marks 500 days sober. That sentence still feels strange to write. There was a point in my life where I honestly didn’t know if I was capable of changing. Not really changing. Not temporarily getting it together. Not surviving another rough patch. I mean truly rebuilding my life from the ground up. A year and a half ago, I was exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. I was losing myself slowly and pretending I wasn’t. The alcoholism kept growing. The cocaine use kept growing. The boundaries in my life kept slipping. And like a lot of people struggling internally, I became very good at hiding pieces of myself while convincing myself I still had control. Until eventually… I didn’t. What followed was the hardest period of my life. Not just because of what happened around me… but because for the first time, I had to honestly look at myself. I had to stop blaming. Stop running. Stop numbing. Stop pretending. And I had to ask a question that changed everything: Who do I become now? The answer didn’t come overnight. It came through rehab. Through therapy. Through faith. Through difficult conversations. Through consequences. Through patience. Through discipline. Through learning how to sit still with myself again. And somewhere during all of that, the foundation for Louder Than My Demons started forming. Not as a brand. Not as a podcast. As survival. The Five S’s slowly became part of my life: Sobriety. Spirituality. Self-Care. Strength. Songwriting. And eventually… Service. Because I’ve learned something over these last 500 days: Selfish recovery doesn’t last. Healing really begins when your pain starts helping somebody else survive theirs. I’m not writing this because I think I have all the answers. I definitely don’t. I’m still rebuilding. Still learning. Still growing. Still healing. But I also know this: I’m not the same man I was 500 days ago. I’ve become closer to God. Closer to my children. Closer to the people who truly stood beside me when life fell apart. My son showed strength and grace beyond his years and helped guide me closer to Christ during some of the darkest moments of my life. My daughter never stopped believing in me. My family. My friends. Stacie. Curran. My band. They helped hold me together when I honestly wasn’t sure I could do it myself. And somewhere along the way… I realized love didn’t disappear from my life. It just showed up in places I wasn’t looking for. I also realized something else: Numbers aren’t the point. Not views. Not downloads. Not followers. Truth is the point. Connection is the point. Service is the point. If one person listens to something I say late at night and realizes they aren’t alone… that matters. So for my 500th sober day, I decided to write a letter to the version of myself who thought everything was over. The version of me sitting in confusion, fear, shame, anger, addiction, and uncertainty. The version of me who couldn’t yet see what was still possible. This is that letter. Watch the Full Video Today at 6:00 PM, I’ll be premiering the live reading of this letter on YouTube. This was filmed in one take. No script edits. No performance. Just the truth. ▶️ Watch the premiere here: https://youtu.be/7BqUYcqodKc December 29, 2024 A Letter To Jozey “Dear Jozey… I know you think your life is over. I know you’re sitting there replaying every conversation… every mistake… every warning sign… trying to figure out where everything broke. You keep asking why. Why this happened. Why it ended this way. Why somebody you loved could choose destruction over peace. And maybe the hardest thing you’re going to learn… is that you may never get that answer. She chose. She chose how this story unfolded. She chose how far things went. She chose actions you couldn’t control. And eventually… you’re going to have to stop trying to understand every choice another person made… and start focusing on your own. That’s the part nobody tells you about survival. At some point… you stop asking: ‘Why did this happen to me?’ And you start asking: ‘Who am I going to become now?’ Right now, you don’t know that. Right now you’re exhausted. You’re angry. You’re embarrassed. You’re heartbroken. You feel like your identity collapsed overnight. You lost the woman you loved. You think everybody is staring at the worst moment of your life. And they are. But if you’re honest… this didn’t happen overnight. Your alcoholism kept growing. The cocaine use kept growing. Your boundaries kept slipping. Little compromises. Little lies to yourself. Little moments where you ignored the voice telling you something wasn’t right anymore. And eventually… all of it catches up to you. And that part hurts to admit. But it’s the truth. And the truth is the first thing that finally starts setting you free. But here’s what you don’t understand yet… this isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of the first honest chapter you’ve lived in a very long time. You’re going to realize very quickly that you cannot survive this alone. And for the first time in a long time… you’re going to ask for help. Real help. Rehab. Therapy. A great lawyer. And somehow… when your entire world feels like it’s collapsing… you’re going to find the right one of each. Exactly the people you needed. Not to save you. But to help you rebuild yourself. You’re going to spend a long time trying to understand why all of this happened. And eventually… you’re going to realize that some answers never come. Some people choose chaos. Some people choose destruction. Some people choose to hurt others. And you can drown trying to understand it. Or… you can rebuild. And that’s what’s coming. Not all at once. Not overnight. Not easily. But slowly… you’re going to start becoming somebody stronger. And just when you think everything is over…
How Did I Get Here? My Story Before Sobriety | LTMD Episode 17
I didn’t wake up one day and say:
“I have a drinking problem.”
I woke up a hundred times telling myself I didn’t.
In Episode 17 of Louder Than My Demons, I tell the story before sobriety — the normalization of drinking, the military culture around alcohol, the warning signs I ignored, and the lies I told myself while my life still looked like it was working.
This episode isn’t about rock bottom.
It’s about the slow erosion that happens before it.
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In this episode:
• My first experiences with drinking
• How alcohol became normalized in my life
• The Marine Corps and drinking culture
• The lies I told myself about control
• Why functioning doesn’t mean healthy
• Songwriting, self-care, and honesty
—
🎸 Guitar Tales:
Jeff Angell, Walking Papers, and why the song Already Dead has meant so much to me and my daughter.
🎶 Beyond the Songs:
A performance and breakdown of Already Dead by Walking Papers.
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Louder Than My Demons is a war journal built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
—
⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 “How did I get here?”
00:40 Intro
01:30 Outlaw Sermon — The lie before the fall
07:30 The Reckoning — My story before sobriety
20:30 Military culture & normalization
28:00 The lie I told myself
32:00 Guitar Tales — Jeff Angell & Walking Papers
38:00 Beyond the Songs — Already Dead
43:00 Field Notes — Songwriting & Self-Care
46:00 Samson preview
47:30 The Reprise
52:00 Final thoughts
—
🎙 New episodes every Friday
⚔️ Outlaw Logic every Monday
🔥 Demon Cuts returns this season
—
We recover loud.
Louder Than Our Demons.
Urgency Is a Lie (Sobriety Truth) – Outlaw Logic #9
Stillness is a weapon in sobriety.
Most people don’t relapse when they take a drink.
They relapse in a moment.
A reaction.
A message.
A decision made too fast.
In early sobriety, emotions feel urgent.
Like you need to act right now. Fix something. Say something. Control something.
But urgency is not truth.
Urgency is emotion trying to take control.
In this Outlaw Logic, I break down:
– Why relapse often starts before the drink
– How emotional reactions put your recovery at risk
– Why stillness builds strength in sobriety
– The simple “60-second pause” that can save you
Because it’s not just people, places, and things…
It’s reactions.
If you don’t change how you respond, you stay vulnerable.
So here’s the move:
Pause.
Don’t react.
Give it 60 seconds.
That’s where clarity lives.
If you can sit still… you can stay sober.
This is Outlaw Logic.
And this is how I stay steady… and louder than my demons.
🎙️ Full episodes: Louder Than My Demons
🧠 The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival
#sobriety #recovery #mentalhealth #addictionrecovery #selfdiscipline
In this Outlaw Logic, we explore how stillness serves as a powerful weapon in sobriety. We discuss why many experience relapse before a drink, often due to a ‘One Second Decision’ or an internal ‘Battle I Tried,’ highlighting the critical role of mindset. This video offers insights into how to stay sober and manage the challenges of early sobriety, providing tools for addiction recovery and fostering better mental health.
Sobriety Fails When You’re Alone | Breaking the Pattern – Outlaw Logic #8
Isolation feeds relapse. Connection breaks it.
Early sobriety can feel lonely. You’re changing your habits, your environment, and sometimes even the people around you. And when you stay stuck in your own head… things start to get dangerous.
Most people don’t relapse because they want to drink.
They relapse because they get isolated.
In this Outlaw Logic, I break down:
– Why isolation is one of the biggest relapse triggers
– How getting stuck in your own head makes things worse
– Why service is one of the fastest ways out
– Simple ways to break isolation starting today
For me, that looks like:
🎙️ Working on the podcast
🇺🇸 Supporting veterans (R.E.D. 22)
🤝 Helping others however I can
But it doesn’t have to look like that for you.
Call someone. Show up. Be useful.
Because small acts still break isolation.
Self-centered sobriety eventually collapses.
This is Outlaw Logic.
And this is how I stay sober, stay steady… and louder than my demons.
🎙️ Full episodes: Louder Than My Demons
🧠 The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival
#sobriety #recovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealth #selfimprovement
Early sobriety can present unique challenges, often feeling isolating as habits and environments shift. This video shares personal experiences navigating these difficulties, emphasizing that there isn’t one specific path to how to stay sober. We discuss the importance of connection in addiction recovery and how being present for others is crucial for a fulfilling sober life. Stream Now on your favorite platforms!
The Question Nobody Asks in Recovery | What Do You Do With Space? LTMD #16
There’s a part of sobriety nobody really talks about.
Not the chaos.
Not the rock bottom.
Not even the breakthrough.
The quiet.
In this episode of Louder Than My Demons, I talk about what happens when the fight starts to fade… and you’re left with something unfamiliar — stability.
No daily battle.
No constant urges.
No chaos driving your decisions.
Just space.
And the question becomes… what do you do with it?
—
This episode dives into:
• The “quiet phase” of sobriety
• Why peace can feel uncomfortable
• Rebuilding your life after the chaos
• Growth without crisis
• How I’m applying this to my music and my life
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🎸 Guitar Tales: Lessons from the Venom Inc sessions and how they’re shaping the next Corruption record
🎶 Beyond the Songs: Rewriting Pray — and why editing your life matters just as much as editing your music
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Louder Than My Demons is a war journal built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
—
⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 Sobriety gave me space
00:10 Intro
0:48 Outlaw Sermon — When things get quiet
04:10 The Reckoning — Life without chaos
38:30 Guitar Tales — Venom Inc sessions
42:20 Field Notes — Strength & Songwriting
45:51 Beyond the Songs — Rewriting Pray
51:31 The Reprise — Building something new
55:03 Final thoughts
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If this resonates with you, subscribe and follow the journey.
We recover loud.
Louder Than Our Demons.
Create or Collapse (Sobriety Reality Check) – Outlaw Logic #7
If you don’t create… you collapse.
That’s the reality of early sobriety.
When you remove alcohol or drugs, the pain doesn’t disappear — it shows up all at once.
Regret. Anger. Shame. Restlessness.
Most people don’t relapse because they want to drink.
They relapse because they don’t know where to put what they feel.
So they escape.
In this Outlaw Logic, I break down:
– Why early sobriety feels overwhelming
– What unprocessed pain actually is
– Why creation is a survival tool in recovery
– How songwriting helped me hold onto my identity
For me, that outlet was writing songs like “Straight Edge Superstar.”
But it doesn’t have to be music.
Write. Train. Build. Speak. Move it somewhere.
Because pressure always finds a release.
This is Outlaw Logic.
And this is how I stay steady… and louder than my demons.
🎙️ Full episodes: Louder Than My Demons
🧠 The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival
#sobriety #addictionrecovery #mentalhealth #recovery #selfimprovement
For Me, California Sober Doesn’t Work | Outlaw Logic #6
California sober” has become a popular idea — no alcohol, but still using something else to take the edge off.
But for me, sobriety meant something different.
In this episode of Outlaw Logic, I break down why I chose not to replace one escape with another — even when it was an option — and how I learned to deal with my problems instead of numbing them.
This isn’t about judgment.
It’s about honesty.
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Outlaw Logic is a short tactical segment from Louder Than My Demons.
Built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
The concept of “California sober” often raises questions about true sobriety. This video explores the nuances of abstaining from alcohol while still using other substances like cannabis, and challenges what it truly means to be getting sober. It’s about facing problems head-on and making a full commitment to quit alcohol, rather than just finding alternative ways to cope, which can lead to continued substance abuse. Real sobriety involves honesty and a complete recovery journey. #Sobriety #AlcoholAddiction #Recovery
Moving Forward With Purpose in Sobriety | LTMD Episode 15 (Season 2 Premiere)
Season Two begins.
Sobriety gave me space — but space isn’t direction.
In this episode, I break down what it actually means to move forward with purpose in sobriety. Not perfectly. Not emotionally. But with structure, discipline, and intention.
This isn’t a victory speech.
It’s a recalibration.
I talk about:
• learning from recent mistakes
• controlling reactions instead of justifying them
• rebuilding habits, structure, and discipline
• dealing with uncertainty without losing direction
• using the Five S’s of Sobriety as a daily code for survival
This season is about building something real.
🎸 Featuring: Guitar Tales (brought to you by Detained Records)
🎶 Acoustic performance: Redline
—
Louder Than My Demons
The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival.
CHAPTERS
00:00 — Hot Open: Sobriety & Space
00:20 — Intro + Season Two Begins
00:52 — Outlaw Sermon: Choosing Direction
03:10 — The Reckoning: Recalibration, Not Perfection
12:30 — Structure Over Chaos (Habits & Discipline)
16:00— The Five S’s of Sobriety Explained
17:58 — Guitar Tales (Detained Records)
20:30 — Field Notes: Discipline in Action
21:33— Beyond the Songs: Redline (Acoustic)
27:49 — Reprise: Moving Forward With Purpose
The Battle Nobody Warns You About After the Marines – Outlaw Logic #5
A short tactical segment from Louder Than My Demons.
Built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
This is something I didn’t fully understand until I got sober.
I was a Marine. I know what it means to sit in silence.
But there’s a different kind of silence that comes after the mission ends.
In the military, you’re given structure.
The mission gives you purpose.
The brotherhood gives you identity.
And then one day… it’s gone.
Now you’re home.
And that silence? It can feel dangerous.
Too many veterans are fighting battles alone after they come home.
22 a day is too many.
So here’s the mission now:
Check on the veterans in your life.
Reach out. Talk. Listen.
If you served and you’re struggling—
you are not weak for speaking up.
Brotherhood doesn’t end when the uniform comes off.
That’s Outlaw Logic. And that’s how we stay steady.
I stopped waiting for life to change… and started building it. My journey with sobriety has shown me a deeper level of silence, especially coming from a Marine background. This path to alcohol recovery has been challenging, but embracing a sober life has allowed me to overcome personal struggles. #OutlawLogic #LouderThanMyDemons #IdentityOverEmotion
As a former Marine, I’m no stranger to silence, but getting sober revealed a whole new level of it. This recovery story explores the quiet moments and how I navigated them to embrace a sober life. It’s about finding strength in vulnerability and learning how to stay sober, even when faced with deep internal struggles.