Knocked Back to the Beginning? You’re Not Where You Think
This week I walked out of court convinced I was back at the beginning.
I wasn’t.
If you’ve ever felt like life erased all your progress, this episode is for you. In this special War Journal, I share why familiar circumstances don’t always mean you’ve gone backwards—and why recovery isn’t about avoiding life’s hardest moments, but becoming someone who can walk through them differently.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
• Why I thought I was back at Ground Zero
• What eighteen months of recovery really changed
• Rebuilding after losing my home
• Living with uncertainty
• Staying sober through life’s setbacks
• Why the mission hasn’t changed—even when the road has
**Recovery doesn’t mean your life never falls apart. Recovery means you don’t fall apart every time your life does.**
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🎙 **Louder Than My Demons** is a real-time war journal documenting what it takes to rebuild a life after it falls apart.
If this episode resonates with you, subscribe and join the journey. New episodes, War Journals, Outlaw Logic, R.E.D. 22, and Demon Cuts are released regularly.
#Recovery #Sobriety #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #StartingOver
18 Months In… and Here We Are at Ground Zero
18 Months In… and Here We Are at Ground Zero Last Monday was supposed to be the end of a chapter. For months, I believed I knew where this journey was headed. I thought I was walking into court for resentencing. I thought I knew what the next phase of my life looked like. I thought I had finally reached the point where I could stop looking backward and focus entirely on moving forward. Instead, I walked out of court facing the possibility of a trial. As many of you know, I entered a plea in my case. As I have said since the day I entered that plea, I did so because I was offered a path that would allow me to avoid a trial, avoid the possibility of jail, get back to my children, and begin rebuilding my life. People can agree or disagree with that decision. That’s their right. But I want to be clear about something. I did not enter that plea because I believed I had committed the acts I was accused of. I entered it because, at the time, I believed it was the best decision for my family, my future, and my ability to move forward. Afterward, my ex-wife exercised her legal right to appeal the conviction. The appeal process moved forward, and events that followed ultimately brought us back into court. What I expected to be a resentencing hearing turned into something entirely different. What changed the direction of the hearing was a request for restitution. As I understood the original plea arrangement, restitution was not part of that agreement. During the proceedings, restitution was raised, and that request became a significant point of disagreement. From there, the conversation shifted away from resentencing and toward the future of the plea itself. By the end of the hearing, the discussion was no longer about the sentence I expected to receive. It was about whether the plea agreement should continue to exist at all. In a matter of hours, the future I had spent months preparing for disappeared. For most of the day, I couldn’t quite figure out what I was feeling. Part of me was disappointed. Not because I wanted the outcome I was expecting, but because I had spent months preparing myself for it. I had accepted that this chapter was ending one way, and suddenly I was being told it might end another. Part of me was hopeful. For the first time in a long time, there was a possibility that the truth I have maintained from the beginning might actually be heard in a courtroom. And part of me felt like I was standing at Ground Zero all over again. That’s the feeling I’ve been wrestling with ever since. Eighteen months in, and here we are at Ground Zero. Except we’re not. Or maybe we are. All of the above and yet none of the above. Legally, it feels like Ground Zero because a case I thought was approaching resolution may now be headed toward trial. Financially, it feels like Ground Zero because I’m living in a friend’s basement, driving an old car, working multiple jobs, and still trying to build stability. Physically, it feels like Ground Zero because my workouts aren’t where I want them to be, my diet isn’t where I want it to be, and some days I feel like I’m still trying to regain momentum. Emotionally, it feels like Ground Zero because the support system that carried me through the last 18 months may have to carry me a little longer. But the truth is, this isn’t Ground Zero. Ground Zero was eighteen months ago. Ground Zero was the day everything came crashing down. Ground Zero was uncertainty without a plan. Ground Zero was fear without direction. Today, I have eighteen months of sobriety. Many of those lessons have become the foundation of Louder Than My Demons, where I document this journey one step at a time. I have eighteen months of recovery. I have eighteen months of therapy, meetings, hard conversations, and personal growth. I have eighteen months of Louder Than My Demons. I have eighteen months of songwriting. I have eighteen months of trying to become a better father, a better friend, and a better man. The circumstances may look similar from a distance. The man standing in them is not. That’s what I realized as I drove home from court. The mission hasn’t changed. I still need to stay sober. I still need to take care of my health. I still need to improve my finances. I still need to build Louder Than My Demons. I still need to write songs. I still need to be present for my children. I still need to become the man I want to be. The mission hasn’t changed. The road has. What happens next remains uncertain. There is a hearing scheduled regarding the withdrawal of my plea. There may be a trial. There may be further developments. Time will tell. But for the first time in a long while, I walked out of a courtroom carrying something I didn’t expect. Hope. And whether that hope leads to a trial, another plea agreement, or something else entirely, I know this much: Eighteen months ago I was trying to survive. Today I’m trying to rebuild. The mission hasn’t changed. The road has. It feels like Ground Zero. But it isn’t. Or maybe it is. All of the above and yet none of the above. The mission hasn’t changed, and neither has this journey. If you’d like to continue walking it with me, subscribe to the Louder Than My Demons YouTube channel, where I share the victories, the setbacks, and everything in between. Thanks for reading, and thank you for being part of the journey. Recover LOUD! Jozey Louder Than My Demons
Samson: Strong Enough to Fight Lions, Too Weak to Fight Himself | LTMD Ep. 18
DESCRIPTION
Welcome back to Louder Than My Demons.
Samson killed a lion with his bare hands. Defeated armies. Carried city gates on his shoulders. But the thing that finally broke him wasn’t a lion, an army, or even his enemies.
It was himself.
In Episode 18, we explore the story of Samson through the lens of recovery, discipline, faith, and personal responsibility. This isn’t just a story about strength. It’s a story about drift, pride, consequences, and redemption.
We discuss:
• The difference between strength and discipline
• How small compromises become life-changing consequences
• Why Delilah wasn’t the real problem
• Spirituality, prayer, and staying connected during recovery
• Alice Cooper’s journey through faith and addiction
• No More Mr. Nice Guy and the search for identity
If you’ve ever wondered how someone can be strong in one area of life while falling apart in another, this episode is for you.
We recover loud. Louder than our demons.
#LouderThanMyDemons #Recovery #Sobriety #Samson #Faith #AddictionRecovery #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #Spirituality #Podcast
CHAPTERS
00:00 Hot Open
00:22 Intro
01:02 Outlaw Sermon – The Strong Man’s Trap
05:16 The Reckoning – Samson
40:00 Guitar Tales – Alice Cooper
42:08 Field Notes – Spirituality and Connection
44:44 Beyond The Songs – No More Mr. Nice Guy
49:35 Reprise
51:02 Episode 19 Preview
Fix Your Body First: Mind Will Follow! #shorts
Feeling unwell? Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and movement before diving into mental analysis. Neglecting your body can lead to relapse. Listen to what your physical self needs first. #HealthTips #Wellness #SelfCare #MentalHealth
A Letter to Myself | 500 Days Sober – LTMD Episode 17b
Today marks 500 days sober.
There was a time in my life where I honestly didn’t know if I would survive what I was putting myself through — addiction, chaos, fear, anger, broken boundaries, and the collapse of the life I thought I knew.
For my 500th sober day, I decided to write a letter to the version of myself who thought everything was over.
This isn’t a motivational speech.
This is the truth.
The truth about alcoholism.
The truth about cocaine.
The truth about losing control.
The truth about faith, rebuilding, service, discipline, and learning how to become somebody stronger after devastation.
Louder Than My Demons was never built to pretend life is perfect.
It was built to prove survival is possible.
If you’re struggling right now:
keep going.
You might be closer to rebuilding your life than you realize.
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⚔️ Louder Than My Demons
The Five S’s of Survival:
Sobriety • Spirituality • Self-Care • Strength • Songwriting • Service
🎙 Follow LTMD:
louderthanmydemons.com
@ltmdpodcast (everywhere)
#Sobriety #Recovery #AddictionRecovery #LouderThanMyDemons #MentalHealth #Faith #SelfImprovement #Podcast #SobrietyJourney #recoveryispossible
00:00 — Dear Jozey…
01:58 — How Everything Fell Apart
04:32 — Rehab, Therapy & Rebuilding
07:20 — Let Go and Let God
10:02 — The Five S’s
12:20 — Service & Helping Others
14:18 — Family, Friends & Support
16:45 — Love, Hope & The Future
18:30 — We Made It
A Letter to Myself | 500 Days Sober
A Letter to Myself — 500 Days Sober Today marks 500 days sober. That sentence still feels strange to write. There was a point in my life where I honestly didn’t know if I was capable of changing. Not really changing. Not temporarily getting it together. Not surviving another rough patch. I mean truly rebuilding my life from the ground up. A year and a half ago, I was exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. I was losing myself slowly and pretending I wasn’t. The alcoholism kept growing. The cocaine use kept growing. The boundaries in my life kept slipping. And like a lot of people struggling internally, I became very good at hiding pieces of myself while convincing myself I still had control. Until eventually… I didn’t. What followed was the hardest period of my life. Not just because of what happened around me… but because for the first time, I had to honestly look at myself. I had to stop blaming. Stop running. Stop numbing. Stop pretending. And I had to ask a question that changed everything: Who do I become now? The answer didn’t come overnight. It came through rehab. Through therapy. Through faith. Through difficult conversations. Through consequences. Through patience. Through discipline. Through learning how to sit still with myself again. And somewhere during all of that, the foundation for Louder Than My Demons started forming. Not as a brand. Not as a podcast. As survival. The Five S’s slowly became part of my life: Sobriety. Spirituality. Self-Care. Strength. Songwriting. And eventually… Service. Because I’ve learned something over these last 500 days: Selfish recovery doesn’t last. Healing really begins when your pain starts helping somebody else survive theirs. I’m not writing this because I think I have all the answers. I definitely don’t. I’m still rebuilding. Still learning. Still growing. Still healing. But I also know this: I’m not the same man I was 500 days ago. I’ve become closer to God. Closer to my children. Closer to the people who truly stood beside me when life fell apart. My son showed strength and grace beyond his years and helped guide me closer to Christ during some of the darkest moments of my life. My daughter never stopped believing in me. My family. My friends. Stacie. Curran. My band. They helped hold me together when I honestly wasn’t sure I could do it myself. And somewhere along the way… I realized love didn’t disappear from my life. It just showed up in places I wasn’t looking for. I also realized something else: Numbers aren’t the point. Not views. Not downloads. Not followers. Truth is the point. Connection is the point. Service is the point. If one person listens to something I say late at night and realizes they aren’t alone… that matters. So for my 500th sober day, I decided to write a letter to the version of myself who thought everything was over. The version of me sitting in confusion, fear, shame, anger, addiction, and uncertainty. The version of me who couldn’t yet see what was still possible. This is that letter. Watch the Full Video Today at 6:00 PM, I’ll be premiering the live reading of this letter on YouTube. This was filmed in one take. No script edits. No performance. Just the truth. ▶️ Watch the premiere here: https://youtu.be/7BqUYcqodKc December 29, 2024 A Letter To Jozey “Dear Jozey… I know you think your life is over. I know you’re sitting there replaying every conversation… every mistake… every warning sign… trying to figure out where everything broke. You keep asking why. Why this happened. Why it ended this way. Why somebody you loved could choose destruction over peace. And maybe the hardest thing you’re going to learn… is that you may never get that answer. She chose. She chose how this story unfolded. She chose how far things went. She chose actions you couldn’t control. And eventually… you’re going to have to stop trying to understand every choice another person made… and start focusing on your own. That’s the part nobody tells you about survival. At some point… you stop asking: ‘Why did this happen to me?’ And you start asking: ‘Who am I going to become now?’ Right now, you don’t know that. Right now you’re exhausted. You’re angry. You’re embarrassed. You’re heartbroken. You feel like your identity collapsed overnight. You lost the woman you loved. You think everybody is staring at the worst moment of your life. And they are. But if you’re honest… this didn’t happen overnight. Your alcoholism kept growing. The cocaine use kept growing. Your boundaries kept slipping. Little compromises. Little lies to yourself. Little moments where you ignored the voice telling you something wasn’t right anymore. And eventually… all of it catches up to you. And that part hurts to admit. But it’s the truth. And the truth is the first thing that finally starts setting you free. But here’s what you don’t understand yet… this isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of the first honest chapter you’ve lived in a very long time. You’re going to realize very quickly that you cannot survive this alone. And for the first time in a long time… you’re going to ask for help. Real help. Rehab. Therapy. A great lawyer. And somehow… when your entire world feels like it’s collapsing… you’re going to find the right one of each. Exactly the people you needed. Not to save you. But to help you rebuild yourself. You’re going to spend a long time trying to understand why all of this happened. And eventually… you’re going to realize that some answers never come. Some people choose chaos. Some people choose destruction. Some people choose to hurt others. And you can drown trying to understand it. Or… you can rebuild. And that’s what’s coming. Not all at once. Not overnight. Not easily. But slowly… you’re going to start becoming somebody stronger. And just when you think everything is over…
How Did I Get Here? My Story Before Sobriety | LTMD Episode 17
I didn’t wake up one day and say:
“I have a drinking problem.”
I woke up a hundred times telling myself I didn’t.
In Episode 17 of Louder Than My Demons, I tell the story before sobriety — the normalization of drinking, the military culture around alcohol, the warning signs I ignored, and the lies I told myself while my life still looked like it was working.
This episode isn’t about rock bottom.
It’s about the slow erosion that happens before it.
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In this episode:
• My first experiences with drinking
• How alcohol became normalized in my life
• The Marine Corps and drinking culture
• The lies I told myself about control
• Why functioning doesn’t mean healthy
• Songwriting, self-care, and honesty
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🎸 Guitar Tales:
Jeff Angell, Walking Papers, and why the song Already Dead has meant so much to me and my daughter.
🎶 Beyond the Songs:
A performance and breakdown of Already Dead by Walking Papers.
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Louder Than My Demons is a war journal built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
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⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 “How did I get here?”
00:40 Intro
01:30 Outlaw Sermon — The lie before the fall
07:30 The Reckoning — My story before sobriety
20:30 Military culture & normalization
28:00 The lie I told myself
32:00 Guitar Tales — Jeff Angell & Walking Papers
38:00 Beyond the Songs — Already Dead
43:00 Field Notes — Songwriting & Self-Care
46:00 Samson preview
47:30 The Reprise
52:00 Final thoughts
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🎙 New episodes every Friday
⚔️ Outlaw Logic every Monday
🔥 Demon Cuts returns this season
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We recover loud.
Louder Than Our Demons.
Urgency Is a Lie (Sobriety Truth) – Outlaw Logic #9
Stillness is a weapon in sobriety.
Most people don’t relapse when they take a drink.
They relapse in a moment.
A reaction.
A message.
A decision made too fast.
In early sobriety, emotions feel urgent.
Like you need to act right now. Fix something. Say something. Control something.
But urgency is not truth.
Urgency is emotion trying to take control.
In this Outlaw Logic, I break down:
– Why relapse often starts before the drink
– How emotional reactions put your recovery at risk
– Why stillness builds strength in sobriety
– The simple “60-second pause” that can save you
Because it’s not just people, places, and things…
It’s reactions.
If you don’t change how you respond, you stay vulnerable.
So here’s the move:
Pause.
Don’t react.
Give it 60 seconds.
That’s where clarity lives.
If you can sit still… you can stay sober.
This is Outlaw Logic.
And this is how I stay steady… and louder than my demons.
🎙️ Full episodes: Louder Than My Demons
🧠 The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival
#sobriety #recovery #mentalhealth #addictionrecovery #selfdiscipline
In this Outlaw Logic, we explore how stillness serves as a powerful weapon in sobriety. We discuss why many experience relapse before a drink, often due to a ‘One Second Decision’ or an internal ‘Battle I Tried,’ highlighting the critical role of mindset. This video offers insights into how to stay sober and manage the challenges of early sobriety, providing tools for addiction recovery and fostering better mental health.
Sobriety Fails When You’re Alone | Breaking the Pattern – Outlaw Logic #8
Isolation feeds relapse. Connection breaks it.
Early sobriety can feel lonely. You’re changing your habits, your environment, and sometimes even the people around you. And when you stay stuck in your own head… things start to get dangerous.
Most people don’t relapse because they want to drink.
They relapse because they get isolated.
In this Outlaw Logic, I break down:
– Why isolation is one of the biggest relapse triggers
– How getting stuck in your own head makes things worse
– Why service is one of the fastest ways out
– Simple ways to break isolation starting today
For me, that looks like:
🎙️ Working on the podcast
🇺🇸 Supporting veterans (R.E.D. 22)
🤝 Helping others however I can
But it doesn’t have to look like that for you.
Call someone. Show up. Be useful.
Because small acts still break isolation.
Self-centered sobriety eventually collapses.
This is Outlaw Logic.
And this is how I stay sober, stay steady… and louder than my demons.
🎙️ Full episodes: Louder Than My Demons
🧠 The Five S’s of Sobriety — A Code for Survival
#sobriety #recovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealth #selfimprovement
Early sobriety can present unique challenges, often feeling isolating as habits and environments shift. This video shares personal experiences navigating these difficulties, emphasizing that there isn’t one specific path to how to stay sober. We discuss the importance of connection in addiction recovery and how being present for others is crucial for a fulfilling sober life. Stream Now on your favorite platforms!
The Question Nobody Asks in Recovery | What Do You Do With Space? LTMD #16
There’s a part of sobriety nobody really talks about.
Not the chaos.
Not the rock bottom.
Not even the breakthrough.
The quiet.
In this episode of Louder Than My Demons, I talk about what happens when the fight starts to fade… and you’re left with something unfamiliar — stability.
No daily battle.
No constant urges.
No chaos driving your decisions.
Just space.
And the question becomes… what do you do with it?
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This episode dives into:
• The “quiet phase” of sobriety
• Why peace can feel uncomfortable
• Rebuilding your life after the chaos
• Growth without crisis
• How I’m applying this to my music and my life
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🎸 Guitar Tales: Lessons from the Venom Inc sessions and how they’re shaping the next Corruption record
🎶 Beyond the Songs: Rewriting Pray — and why editing your life matters just as much as editing your music
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Louder Than My Demons is a war journal built on the Five S’s of Sobriety — a code for survival.
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⏱ CHAPTERS
00:00 Sobriety gave me space
00:10 Intro
0:48 Outlaw Sermon — When things get quiet
04:10 The Reckoning — Life without chaos
38:30 Guitar Tales — Venom Inc sessions
42:20 Field Notes — Strength & Songwriting
45:51 Beyond the Songs — Rewriting Pray
51:31 The Reprise — Building something new
55:03 Final thoughts
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If this resonates with you, subscribe and follow the journey.
We recover loud.
Louder Than Our Demons.